Platonic Love, Queered: How LGBTQ+ Friendships Are Redefining Romance

Picture this: You’re curled up on a couch, sharing secrets, dreams, and a bowl of popcorn with your best friend. There’s no expectation of sex, no pressure to define “what this is,” just pure, unfiltered intimacy. For a growing number of LGBTQ+ folks, this isn’t a placeholder for romance—it’s the main event. Welcome to the era of queerplatonic relationships and romantic friendships, where platonic love is finally getting the respect it deserves .

So what exactly is a queerplatonic relationship? It’s a connection that goes beyond conventional friendship but doesn’t neatly slot into the “romantic partner” box. Think: emotional commitment, deep reliance, and all the cuddles, without the pressure of sexual attraction or romance as society defines it. For many, these relationships provide a level of intimacy and support that rivals—or even surpasses—romantic partnerships .

Queerplatonic partners might hold hands, share beds, or prioritize each other in their lives, but the bond is defined by the people in it, not by outside expectations. As one advocate puts it, “Queerness helps us understand relationships and love outside society’s norms. It expands our perspective and challenges the dominant straight, monogamous culture” .

Historically, romantic love has been privileged above all other forms of connection. From fairy tales to tax codes, the message has been clear: Find a partner, settle down, and live happily ever after. But queer communities have always been experts at rewriting the rules.

Queerplatonic relationships are especially vital for asexual and aromantic people, whose experiences often fall outside mainstream narratives. These communities have led the way in recognizing that the “friend zone” can be a place of profound love, not a consolation prize . As one writer notes, “Intimacy is not only found through romance and sex. In my life, I have often found stronger intimacy and connection in my platonic relationships” .

This queering of friendship isn’t just for ace and aro folks. It’s resonating across the LGBTQ+ spectrum. For many queer people, friendships are spaces of safety, affirmation, and identity-building—often more stable and nurturing than romantic relationships. As a queer woman shares, “I consider myself, and proudly declare to anyone who will listen, boundlessly in love with my friends” .

The rise of queerplatonic relationships signals a broader cultural shift. As the LGBTQ+ community continues to challenge binaries—gender, sexuality, even the line between platonic and romantic—our definitions of love and connection are opening up.

Society’s “one size fits all” couple model is giving way to a rainbow of relationship styles. Now, bringing your best friend as a plus-one is just as meaningful as bringing a partner. Queerplatonic relationships are demanding social recognition: Why should deep, committed friendships be denied the respect, rights, or visibility given to romantic couples?

And this isn’t just a theoretical debate. There’s a real-world impact. The prioritization of romantic relationships can isolate those who build their lives around chosen families and platonic partners. By validating queerplatonic intimacy, we build stronger, more inclusive communities where everyone’s bonds matter.

What does queerplatonic love look like IRL? It’s the friend who shows up at your door with soup when you’re sick. The person who helps you move apartments, negotiates boundaries with you, and co-parents a pet—no romance required. It’s the group chat that’s always there, the late-night talks, the “I love you” texts sent just because.

These stories exist everywhere in queer culture. They’re visible in the way queer people create chosen families, celebrate friendship anniversaries, and fiercely protect their platonic relationships from erasure. They’re found in pop culture too—think of TV series like “Steven Universe” and “Schitt’s Creek,” which show friendship as a valid, vital form of love.

As queerplatonic relationships gain visibility, they’re pushing society to re-examine what counts as “real” love. They question the idea that physical intimacy must lead to sex, or that emotional closeness only belongs to couples. As one resource notes, “Queer people’s curiosity and defiance break down the strict divide between romantic and platonic relationships. Being queer allows us to express affection freely through actions such as holding hands and kissing. We don’t feel pressured to take it any further. Most importantly, queerness assures us that this can happen regardless of the gender labels of those involved” .

Platonic affection—cuddles, kisses, hand-holding—doesn’t have to mean romance or sex. It can simply be love, on its own terms.

It’s time to give queerplatonic intimacy the respect it deserves. That means advocating for legal recognition of chosen families, challenging workplace benefits that only reward romantic couples, and telling our stories—loudly, proudly, and without apology.

As writer and activist bell hooks once said, “Queerness… is about the self that is at odds with everything around it and that has to invent and create and find a place to speak and to thrive and to live” . In a world that tries to box in love, queerplatonic relationships are a radical act of self-definition and community care.

So next time you see two friends wrapped in a hug, making each other dinner, or holding hands in the park, don’t ask, “Are they dating?” Ask, “What kind of love story are they writing?” In the queer community, every bond is a chance to reinvent what love can mean—and every friendship is a revolution.