2023 Rewind: EDGE Interview: Zachary Zane Embraces Being 'The Boyslut' in Memoir and Manifesto

This piece is part of EDGE's 2023 Rewind series. We're reaching into our archives and sharing some of our favorite stories from the past year.

"My name is Zachary Zane, but you can also call me The Boyslut," writes the bisexual social media personality on his website. Most people would shy away from such a moniker, or use it selectively; but for Zane the word is empowering and he chose it as the title of his book. "Through the lens of my bisexuality and self-described sluttiness," he writes on his website, "I break down exactly how sexual shame negatively impacts our lives, and how we can unlearn the harmful, entrenched messages that society imparts to us."

He subtitles his book "A Memoir and Manifesto," hoping to express in telling his story how to "overcome sexual shame," specifically about bisexuality. "As we're starting to see more LGBT narratives in mainstream cultures, I really thought bi people were being left out, particularly bisexual men. I would not have written this book if someone else had shared a similar story about their male bisexuality. No one had! So it was something I had to do."

In addition to writing "Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto," Zane is the co-author of "Men's Health Best. Sex." Ever. He writes "Sexplain It," the sex and relationship advice column at Men's Health, and "Navigating Non-Monogamy," the polyamorous relationship column at Cosmo. He is editor-in-chief of the BOYSLUT Zine, which publishes nonfiction erotica from kinksters across the globe. His work has been featured in New York Times, Rolling Stone, Washington Post, Playboy, and more.

"I try to offer queer folks, who feel alone, a sense of community," he adds in his blog. "To let them know that they are not alone in what they're going through. That what they think and say matter. I try to offer bisexual and queer visibility in the media."

EDGE spoke to Zane about just what it means to be a 'boyslut.'

EDGE: Please describe what 'Boyslut' is about.

Zachary Zane: It's a book about how to overcome sexual shame. That's the larger and broadest perspective, but I really tell it through a bisexual, polyamorous, and kink positive lens.

EDGE: The title of your book is great, but why label yourself?

Zachary Zane: I don't hate labels. For me, like the word "bisexual" has really been empowering for me. It makes me feel part of a community. It makes me feel part of the larger LGBTQIA community. The word 'boyslut' is a label, but what does it mean. It is fun and playful. I think it's just trying to illustrate that I have a fun relationship with sex. I often feel like when talking about sex, it's often in a very serious context. Sex is playful. We forget how sex is supposed to be fun and pleasurable. We don't need to complicate it. There's something very fun and playful about the word 'boyslut

EDGE: What were the hardest places to go in this tell-all story of your experiences?

Zachary Zane: Of course, it was quite challenging. I think people get a little bit confused that I'm so open sexually. I often talk about my sexual exploits and they kind of equate that to a vulnerability and openness, which isn't the case for me. If you follow me on Instagram or see me on social media, I keep things fun, light, flirty, and sexy. I'm not talking about my breakups, my relationships, or my family. It was challenging because I'm revealing aspects of myself that I really haven't before. The challenging chapters are the rejection chapter and reflecting on my past relationships and how I've really hurt a lot of people. It's been tough reflecting upon those things, but It has been really rewarding to see how far I've come.

EDGE: Why is it hard for many to believe that bisexual men can and do exist?

Zachary Zane: It comes down to a lack of visibility. I talk about this in the book. People have asked me, "How did you not know you were bisexual?" To me, it seemed obvious. I'm attracted to all genders. I like men, women, non-binary, and trans people. I like everything. When I was in college, I did not know a single out bisexual man and anyone who came out in college as bisexual usually came out as gay. I can't be the only person in this world or the only man in this world with the sexuality. Male bisexuality wasn't bursting at the seams in the media either. It's this self-fulfilling loop or prophecy here where there is no visibility so, people do not come out and because people do not come out, there's no visibility. Also, because so many people use the label as a steppingstone and that's often people's only interaction with bisexuality. The great thing is that we are starting to see more bisexual visibility. It means people are embracing who they really are and feel comfortable claiming this label proudly.

EDGE: Representation is important, but even within the queer community there is still challenges for the bisexual community. What needs to be done to change this?

Zachary Zane: It's happening even within our own bi community. I've met bi women who still refuse to date bi guys. That's a soul punch for us. That's harder than even when a straight woman or a gay guy refuses to date a bi person. I think that visibility is kind of the first and needed step. I don't want visibility to be the end game, but we kind of hail visibility as this panacea that solves everything. I really see visibility as kind of the first step of a movement. I do think bisexuals are having a movement right now, which is very cool. We are not a small community and people need to treat us with respect, but it's also to let members of our community know that you are not alone. Visibility is a step towards fighting discrimination and helping building more community.

EDGE: You talk a lot about sex positivity. By your definition, what is it?

Zachary Zane: It's owning and embracing whatever your relationship is with sex. Always respect other people's relationship with sex. I try to make it clear in the book that my goal is not for everyone to be fucking 5,000 people without condoms and taking loads. If you are asexual, I want you to embrace that. I want you to be able to find a partner that embraces your asexuality. If you are demisexual, asexual, bisexual, or gay and you love having sex every day go for it and enjoy it. Never feel shame. I want you to have whatever your relationship with sex is. It may be a ton of sex, a little bit of sex, kinky sex, and vanilla sex. Never feel shame and own your ideal relationship style too, whether that is polyamorous, monogamous, or open. That's what I really see sex positivity as. its allowing and having space for absolutely everyone to embrace who they are.

EDGE: Are there downsides of sex positivity?

Zachary Zane: I don't think so. I think for the most part it's just allowing you to live your life without shame. To have the relationship style that you want. Sex positivity is not forcing yourself onto someone or forcing your ideals onto them. I think it just allows for healthy relationships with sex and healthy romantic relationships.

EDGE: How do you get over the shame?

Zachary Zane: So much of the external shame that we have is what causes the internal shame. I really try to emphasize this in the book I think finding community will help rid of any shame that you are feeling. Before I was out, I felt a lot more shame because I wasn't talking about it with anyone. I thought I was alone. I don't want to pretend I'm completely shameless. I wish I was, but I also live in the real world, and I have human emotions. I think I'm better now that I have experienced shame. I'm able to label it, recognize it, talk myself out of it, and then proceed on my way. Finding a community that is full of friends and people who love, support, and embrace you is extremely important. It helps keep you on the forward path.

EDGE: What do you love most about being a 'boyslut'?

Zachary Zane: The sex! I'm someone who doesn't just love sex for the pleasure. I'm fascinated by it. One of the fun things about being a 'boyslut,' and a sex writer is that there are new kinks that I'm learning about every day. Just the other day, my friend was messaging me about a whistle kink. Not a cat calling kink, but when a coach whistles during practice. How fun, I want to try this. I think the fun part about being a boyslut is the fact that there are infinite numbers of ways to have sex. So many fun things you can explore while feeling empowered and shameless to explore some of these absolutely wild fucking things. I find it fascinating. I love it. It's fun and it's therapeutic.

Check out pics from Zane's IG: